Let me describe for you my day at the gynecologist in Japan. This post is not for the squeamish.

Today I finally got up the nerve to go get my bi-annual female examination. Not that I was worried that anything was wrong medically, I'd just heard so many horror stories about the Japanese Gynecologist. And today proved they were all true.

Usually when I go in for my examination I get all the tests done: Pap Smear, STD (general), HIV, and pregnancy. Today, I asked for the same tests. I don't know these terms in Japanese so I couldn't explain it to the nurse. She had to call the doctor to help me fill out my forms. I get called back to speak with the doctor who is about a million and half years old. No, I mean literally a million. This guy was so old (How old was he?) He was so old...I think he helped deliver Jesus. Dr. Park's is what he calls himself. He lived in America over 30 years ago he said, but isn't as good as English as he was back then (yeah think?!).

So, I start telling him the tests I want: first I say Pap Smear. He writes it down and says okay. Next I say HIV. He looks up and me and cringes simultaneously. Then asks "Do you have any symptoms?" I say "No, but I like to get test regularly." He looks at me with a "Yeah, right" expression and writes it down. Then I said I wanted the general STD culture done. He cringes again, taking a little longer to look up at me and starts asking me if I have all these different types of discharge and spots and shit and I'm like "No, these are just test to make sure I don't have anything and am asymptomatic!" Another "yeah right" expression and he rights it down.

He orders the nurses around and then tells me to go into this room and take my bottom clothes off. I go into this room where there is stirrups chair but when there is a curtain in front of the seat so that when I sit down I can't see him, the nurses, nothing. And they have me hiked up so damn high in the chair I felt the blood rushing to my head. I asked them to open the curtain but he goes into this long story about customs in Japan that I was SOOO not interested in. Bottom line: He didn't open it.

This dude didn't use any lubrication, just shoved his damn instruments and hands whereever, didn't tell me what he was doing or when he was going to do something different, just kept digging and shit. NOT FUN! Then all of a sudden, he goes "Are you married?"

At this point I get scared. Dude has been poking and mess for like 10 minutes and busts out with "Are you married?" What would YOU be thinking? I tell him I'm not and he rips back the curtain to show me an ultrasound screen. He explains that I'm not pregnant and I have a healthy uterus then gives me a photo taken from the ultrasound screen. Now, I've heard of urine tests for pregnancy, but this was my first ultrasound. Kinda strange I thought at first, but what a way to know for sure. Even less of a chance for error than the urine test so that's comforting. He finishes up and tells me to get dressed. They take my blood pressure and then the blood sample with that terribly long hateful syringe and I'm done.

I'll go back on Friday to get results from the first set of tests and the HIV next week. I never hated the gynecologist before but I do now. Hopefully I'll be in the US the next time I need an exam. Men just don't even realize how uncomfortable and unnerving it is to have a random man "down there". My doctors have always made it a point to make me feel comfortable, but that's not the "Japanese Way" I assume. I'd always choose making sure I'm healthy over my comfort level, but it still sucks to feel the way I did today. Now I see why Japanese women wait until they are about 25 to get their first gyneological exam. NOT an exaggeration!!!

Ja ne...