I've had a very momentus week. I just found out today that my girls are giving me a party!! They are so funny because they told me they are giving me the party and where and they said invite who I want. So we are going to Bailey's Bar and Grill for dinner dinner and drinks and pool and fellowship and then we are going to Clifton's in Raleigh for partying and ignorance. I'm excited!!!! I love my friends, they are so good to me.

"I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again"

11 more days. I had to say my first "good-bye" today. It was very hard and I even cried a bit. Its not like I'm going to be gone forever but still you never know what is going to happen. G is a great person. So patient, so talented, so kind...just an all around good person. Its funny that he things I'll lose contact with him but I don't think I will. People come in our lives for reasons, seasons, and lifetimes...I think that God will determine which applies to our friendship. Safiri Salama G, there will be no colored in stars, okay?

I found this site that is the answer to my prayers!! I've been looking for something like this and finally found it. Last night, I bought a camera (35mm) and a portable cd player . I also got a case for both and batteries. I'm pretty sure that I have everything I need now. I've been on the verge of tears all morning because I am rackin' my brain trying to figure out how I'm going to get all the stuff I have over there with me. I have more stuff than what we are told we can bring, I don't know what else to do...

I have a busy week planned too since this is my last week in Chapel Hill. Tomorrow-a have my "date-night", Tuesday-Hanging with Tracey during the day and 'Benah that night. Wednesday-Lunch with Shawn, Movies with Wayne, Thursday-Kyoto's with Lessie!!! And I still have to make sure that I have all the paperwork I need and all luggage packed. Its going to be a long week.

"Waiting for tonight...OOHHH!"

There are times when I'm really glad that I'm anal. I went to the Midway Airlines website and what did i find? That Midway has shut down AGAIN!! I bought a flight on there Monday night for $44.50 to DC. This is the same flight I will be taking to my Pre-Departure Orientation...and now the hassle is on me to find another flight. The web says that I have to go to the Midway ticket counter print up a paper ticket, then go to US Air and get them to accomodate me. I guess they are planning a merger, but its a headache for travelers. The good thing is, I'm not leaving for another two weeks so I have time to do this. I have my linesister's car for one more day. I have to pick her up tonight so I will literally be running all around Durham today to run errands. T-baby and I are going to the movies tonight to see Panic Room. I hope its good, but its only the $1.50 movie theater so I don't really mind.

I called this lady today who gave me her business card at the Mary concert on Sunday. She said she specializes and braids and natural hair. So I told her I was looking for someone to help me care for my hair...This girl is THREE and has no idea what caring for hair is about. So I was slightly bothered but now I'm still search...HELP if you know anyone.

Today's Errands:International Driver's License, Cleaners, Midway Ticket Counter, Wash Clothes, Sort Photos, Begin PPT presentation...

"You should look in my life, and see what I see"

I'm telling you...there is nothing quite like a margarita from El Rodeo. Its the best!!! I should have done a million more things tonight than I did but I am going to bed in a short. I'm making a list of "Things to Do" and planning on getting up first thing in the AM to get myself together. Time is passing by sooo quickly. I really need to get on my studying Japanese too. It really isn't very good right now and I guess I'm just going to have to learn by being thrown into it and learn from there.

I got an email today from a guy who got my name from another JET participant. He is going to be living very close to me in Japan. I hope I'll meet some cool people in the next few weeks who I'll actually want to kick it with when I get there. Erica and I will probably be cool, I just think she will be living so far away from me. I'll have the car so...hey..anyway I'm rambling..

"It's so hard to say goodbye, to Chapel Hill"

The most profound words I've been told in a VERY long time:
"Starve your ego to feed your soul"

I went to the movies last night with a really good friend of mine. He and I have been friends for a little over two years now and I'm pretty sure we will be friends for a long time to come. There aren't many guys out there that you can feel comfortable enough to talk about your male issues or even things you think only a female can relate to yet romance is not in the stars. Its real peace. I enjoy the relationship we have. Its so funny because I thank God everyday for the wonderful folks that he has put in my life.

You know what bothers me? It bothers me when people are not upfront about what they want and they make like small talk was the intention but they really want something from someone! That kills me. I have a student who ONLY comes up to my room when he wants his hair braided. Doesn't speak much when I see and never has anything to talk about unless its that head of his. So recently I've been just telling him no. Usually I don't turn folks down and I don't even make them pay because I like to braid but people who use folks, I just don't deal with.

I got my international student ID card today. I mailed my passport and visa application off as well. Its official all my paperwork is in.

I've had the time of my life, and I've never felt this way before...I swear its the truth and I owe it all to you...

I've been away for a while, but now I'm back. I had to take some time out from the computer this weekend to get myself together and make sure my things were ready to be stored. Then come Monday it just seemed like I still had a million and one things to do. I still have a Dr. appt to make but don't seem to be able to find the time to do it.

I was late mailing off my visa application and passport and I got a scolding email from my program co-ordinator today. I did however EXPRESS mail it just prior to her sending me that email so I didn't feel as bad when I got it. I know I should have responded but I hoped to get it there before she would know it was late..eventhough it was due July 12 (oo-oops).

Well, I guess I'll go do some job related work since I've been doing personal stuff all morning.

WOW! I feel like I've been packing since I got home from work today and I'm still not even closed to being finished packing up the stuff that I'm taking to storage on Sunday. I've only got one more day so I need to get it together. I really wanted to go to the Berkley tonight for the Anniversary thing with Matt and Tracey but I just have been having the worst stomach problems ALL DAY. I figure its best for me to stick around here in case something needs to go down. Being away last week had my eating off and therefore other things are off schedule too...

Today has been very interesting. I've been in the office by myself today. I've been back and forth from running errands to getting ice, to picking up checks and finally sitting down in my chair long enough for a long line of students to rush me for their checks! Well, I like having the office to myself but I don't like having to do so much on my own. I'm not a last minute person but other people's last minuteness (if that is a word) has effected me a lot today. Oh well, not many minutes left till quittin' time although i will probably doing some JET stuff (like filling out my Visa app that needs to be to the embassy by July 15th.) and balancing my checkbook.

Speaking of checkbooks...I'm going to see MARY J BLIGE sunday!!! I'm very excited. In contrast to that excitement, I am also sad because I can't hang out with the Bruhz in Charlotte this weekend. My frat (so to speak) is having their convention and I the lover of Ques that I am will be in Chapel Hill (awwwww) all weekend :(. Its really quite sad...but nevertheless I make the party wherever I may be...

"Nuttin' but a party yall!"

I've been trying to work through this concept:

Being that I want to feel like everything I have to offer someone is intrinsicly related to me..
meaning i want to feel like what someone gets from me they can't get anywhere else...

how do you know if its a person you miss or the things that you did or don't do with a person

por ejemplo: you talk with someone on the phone just about everyday (this isn't the only person you speak with everyday during the course of the day though) and then when you don't talk to them anymore there is a emptyness. How then do you know if the empty feeling is not just from talking to someone everyday? What makes you know that it is the person that you miss?

(does this make sense?)

So much has gone on this summer and there are only 22 days of it left for me. I've been having a very good time, visiting family, and spending time with my friends. My roomate has really been a pleasure--regardless of the rowdiness and occasional GAS!--we have a lot of fun in 107. Thanks Ms. Kitty!! I feel like this summer I have been up and down on an emotional roller coaster and I don't think the ride is over. This being one of the biggest things I've ever done in my life, I think a little anxiety is okay. Tracey has mentally guided me through my M-F work hours and been a big sister to me and I've been her sanity from the insane world of UNC School of Ed. "What us gon' do?" La has helped me through a lot and through it all helping me to..."Celebrate good times!". Da Gangstress has been supportive of all my whining, talking and "You know, I wonder.... "statements. My friends and extended family have been so much to my life and given me so much support that I thank God for them being in my life everyday. One of my biggest challenges is going to be not having anyone really to talk to and being away from my folks and black folks in general. I love my black people, and I know they love me back--Gosh, what are you all going to do without me!?

I've been thinking back through the things I've been up to this summer but I'll save that stuff for the 10 predeparture countdown.

"The sun has gone to bed and so must I"--The Sound of Music

Tis so amazing how God works. The friend I was so worried about in my earlier blog, just had the wake up call she needed to remove her from the unhealthy situation she was in. He may not come when you want him, but he'll be there right on time! I was sad for her because she really had to get the awakening in an extremely hard way. For all of you that may be in a relationship that is unhealthy look for a way out and pray about it. Whether it is something you will like or not, if you believe God will show you the way out. I just pray that she gets over it and seeks some greater relationship. A relationship that is worthy of her talent, beauty, passion, humor and intellect. A relationship with the only earthly being that can truly control her destiny..HERSELF.

...It matters not how straight the gate, how charged with punishment the scroll. I am the master of my fate! I am the captain of my soul. --William Ernest Henly

Have you ever had someone in your life that you just wanted to do right...I mean someone you loved more than life itself and would do anything to help but they just won't/can't/don't get it together? I have such a person in my life and it really stresses me mentally sometimes that I can't make this person see the world through my eyes. And not that my perspective is that of the all-knowing but it is a little bit broader than the scope of this person.

Lessons: are that which we learn through experience and from teaching. They mean something to me because I don't like repeating the same lessons over and over again. Some people like to repeat things in their lives and the lessons that they experience do not lead to the same conclusions as mine. When you experience the same things over and over without fail, you are wasting your time and other people's time as well.

I will never turn my back on my loved ones, there just has to come a time in their lives when they take control of their destiny and stop letting the world around them happen.

"Love is what you make, and with whom you make it" ~Ed, Love Jones

23 is the number for the day. That is the number of days I have left in NC. I have sooooo much to do this week. On top of all the things I have to do, my mom's car broke down and now she needs the car she let me borrow back. She came and got it while I was on vacation. That made me slightly sad because I've had that car for the last year and it is difficult going with out one, but I just keep telling myself that I have 23 days left and I made it without a car for 4 years of college so I'm sure I'll be able to do it for a few weeks.

I'm so lucky to have good people in my life. I feel so blessed daily and knowing that if I really do need something here are people that will be behind me 100% and not bother me about it or throw things up in my face is a good feeling. I'm going through some issues of separation with people I care about but that goes along with the territory. I just want the people in my life to know what they mean to me before I leave this country. Its hard saying "I love you" to people that have almost never heard those words from me. But it needs to happen in order for me to feel okay about leaving. Lord give me the strength and make my words your words...AMEN.

Well my last big trip before my departure is completed. I had a good time, Got some really nice souveniors for myself
not the cheapy stuff like I bought last year, and learned a few things about large group trips that I would like to share...

#1. Don't go on a trip with anyone who is related to anyone else. Sisters especially!!
#2. Don't go on trips with folks who have never been away from their significant other for more than a day.
#3. Don't pour beer on men you don't know.
#4. Make friends with someone outside your group, so you have some place to go when they get on your nerves.
#5. Books and bathing suits make a good escape, take plenty.

I have to say, things were not terrible but it was not last year's trip. We all expected a repeat of 2001's Essence Festival but we had already done it once and needed to try different things instead of trying to do all the same stuff and expecting to enjoy it just as much. I probably won't ever go on a trip with those same women again. Not because I don't like them but just because we were so unequally yoked that it made it hard to chill as a group. Oh well, just another learning experience.

Today been a pretty good day. Now that Mr. J and I are no longer "seeing" each other, I find myself having much more time to do other things. Not that I minded spending time with him, I am less than a full calendar month (30 days to be exact) from leaving and there are things that need to be done. I saw him today and everything felt really natural, only I wanted to call him after the session and ask what he was doing but that is no longer appropriate so I'll work on packing for my trip.

Speaking of my trip...I'M EXCITED!!! We leave at 7am for N.O. and this is going to be very fun. I have much more vested in this year's vacation because I've paid a lot for it but being away and relaxing is going to be very good for me. I have two books that I'm working on reading and I'm sure I'll pick up one from the convention hall while I'm there. Tonight I still have to pack my shoes/toiletries, shave everything (other than my eyebrows..did that already..thanks cindi!) and straighten my hair. The last item on the list is the one that I am least enthusiastic about because since decided to go natural my hair has caused me some serious problems. Not really problems so much, but it is much more "high maintence" than I'm used to. I guess I'll get on it, procrastination is only going to make me stay up later and bill an ILL soul in the AM.

Its wild because I will be leaving North Carolina in exactly one month. I told myself I wasn't going to start a countdown but I think for my own sanity and to keep myself on track I will. Today begins day 31. Eventhough it is the end of the day, it is day 31 none the less.

Today one of my students went to the Emergency Room because he was having double vision...this was at 6pm today and because he isn't in "life threatening pain" he has been there for the past 5 hours. I felt a little bit bad because I should have stayed with him but I had other things to do. I've been back and forth visiting but I don't really like hospitals and furthermore, I just didn't want to be there. They pay me far too little for all I do for this program.

My friends are so cute. The Texas Thrill is trying to learn Nihongo and says that maybe he might come out to visit me while I'm there. He only talks to me in Nihongo on IM but its so funny because I can imagine him with his southern drawl.

In a few weeks, I will be leaving everyone I know and love behind to begin a whole 'nother experience. Share with me my daily journey as I make the most of the time I have left in the states and the times before me that are swiftly changing'.