today and bad international news
4 dead in shooting at Alabama job ageny
Huntsville, Ala (AP)--A man looking fo work opened fire at a temporary employment agency during an arguement over a compact disc player, killing four fellow job-seekers and wounding a fifth, police said. The gunman surrendered later Tuesday after a standoff at his apartment, where police tracked him down using the address he put on his job applications. Authorities turned off the building's electricity while the temperature was near freezing. Police said the man shot at officers early in the standoff.

DUHHHHHHHH!!!!!

War...what is it good for...
This week, I'm on a war movie marathon. At Tsutaya its 180yen rental day for ladies on Monday so I get to get cheap movies. I rented, Pearl Harbor, Band of Brothers, Black Hawk Down, and Behind Enemy Lines. I watched Pearl Harbor last night and Black Hawk Down the night before. I wanted to understand more about the war phenomenon and these movies both have a true story behind them and although of course movie is not as good as books or primary sources it has still lead me to write everyone I knew who has served in the armed forces and tell them how much I love an appreciate them for what they do.

Everyone is really quick to criticize war and members of the armed forces, but I guess I never really sat down to seriously think about the things they do and what their jobs actually are until I started to date G. Two of my uncles were in the armed forces. One in the army the other in the airforce but even then I didn't do a lot of thinking about it. G, his job and his co-workers were visable to me on a regular basis and it made me come to grips with a lot of stereo types that I had about these men because of TV or whatever. They were men and some still boys who had volunteered to defend their country. Although some may never see wartime or combat (which I hope my loved ones don't) they train every day for the worst while hoping for the best. The man in Pearl Harbor said, "Nothing is more passionate than the heart of a volunteer." To the men and women in my life and everywhere who have volunteered (and those who wish they hadn't sometimes) you are truly some of the best people I know. Thank you for watchin' my back.
Holla BACK!!! I got ya back!

Bye Bye Geneva.

Tonight I went out with Aki for the last time in Japan. Aki, Keysha, Chris J and I went to an onsen (hot spring spa) at this fruit park up near Yamanashi city which is really really nice. It was extremely cold tonight which is all the more better for going to the onsen. I'm not usually a big fan of the public bath thing like so many people seem to be but I've been having some dry skin problems and my Japanese teacher told me that the hot spring water is really good for my skin every now and then. It acutally felt really good. First you go into this room with a bunch of showers and you scrub really hard. Once you feel good and clean, you go outside to the pools of water. The first one we got in was really hot. It was so hot that I got a little light headed at first but when I started to get used to it, it felt a lot better. Just sitting around talking to Aki and Keysha was cool. When that pool got too hot, we went down to the warm pool. It had big rocks in it so you could lay on the rocks when if you get hot. I felt like I was in the movie "Mermaid" laying on the rocks with my feet in the water.

I'm kinda sad Aki is leaving. I don't feel like I got a chance to really know her like I could have if she would be able to stay around longer. She's been here for a year studying Japanese and its finally time to go home. I think that she got a little sad during the second half of her stay here because she got engaged and of course wanted to be with her fiance. The wedding will be some time later this year I think. Too bad I won't be able to make it. Anyway Aki is cool peeps and she's my birthday sister (we were born on the same day) so as long as I remember my 23 birthday party I'll remember Aki.

Bon Voyage. Safiri Salama. Sayonara.

You can't see what I can see...

Yesterday at Shoji I had an extremely humbling experience. In the 4th grade class there is a girl who was doing an experiment about being blind. She had to wear a blindfold from 9am-12:30 just before lunch time. It just so happens that my class is the class just before lunch. Another student was assigned to be her care taker for the morning. Of course since I can't speak Japanese in class I rely highy on pictures and some small bits of English combined with body language to help get the message across to my kids.

It seemed at first as if she was okay...but as the class progress I could see her face getting more and more sad. I asked the girl who was taking care of her if she was okay, she said she was. Things really got heavy when we started to play this interview game. The students drew pictures of their family. I taught family grammer and the question phrase "Who is this?" Well the students were playing the game and and I looked over at her and she was crying! The homeroom teacher (who stays in the class with me to help translate and in case I have behavior issues, which never happens) goes over to her and starts talking to her and telling her to write about how she is feeling at the moment. Then she really breaks out crying and he finally takes the mask off of her. Some of the children are watching but most are so engulfed in the game that they pay her no mind. It was hard for me seeing her so bothered with her face buried in her arm quietly weeping. All the while I had to act like she wasn't crying and tend to the other students.

Finally class ended and I got a chance to ask her teacher how she was feeling. He said the whole time she was writing, "I can't do anything on my own. I feel helpless. Isn't it time to take this off yet? When will lunch time come? I really don't like this at all." I'd something like that on tv, but never in real life. I wonder what the purpose of the whole experiment was? I couldn't really understand the definition they gave me in Japanese of course. It was an eye opening experience. I never see Japanese people show emotion the way I feel we do in the states. maybe they just don't do it around me but for some reason her crying really effected me.

That's one of the main reasons I need to learn Japanese. There are so many things that are going on around me that I have no idea about. It just makes me want to study even harder, ya know?

Senseless Murders
i had to share the comments of a friend of mine. she totally expressed my feelings completely...

"yo...if you get a sec, do a news search (google) for chicago and chatham murders. I love my city by what's really going on? I heard around New Years that a family was killed (father, daughter, girl's baby and the father) on the southside. They even killed the dog. But what I didn't know was that this manhunt they were on, the dude that they were calling armed and dangerous, the most deadliest man in the history of the city, was an 18 year old! I couldn't believe this! The first groups of murders went unsolved. The boy lived next door to the people. Then earlier this month, he kills his father. Next he kills another 18 year old on the North side, injures her fiance' and then finally kills himself after a stand off at this hotel near my Granny's crib. When they found the boy he was dressed in a bullet proof vest and his pockets were filled with bullets. Eboni, he was killing these people with an Uzi! This shit is crazy! Seriously, what is wrong with people nowadays? I feel like a movie character saying this but people have no respect for life. There was another story on the CHicago Sun-Times site about another teenager who killed his grandmother and two kids! I'm not saying that Chicago, or any other place for that matter, hasn't had it's share of crime and violence but when have you ever heard so many stories of this magnitude at the same time? Seems like things are just getting really bad. Sorry for my "in-depth" email but I just hate to hear things like this. Especially when it involves black people. This is some shit that white folks used to do; get angry and go on a shooting spree. I guess I should have learned my lesson after the sniper rampage to never repeat that phrase, "Black folks don't do that." As of lately, it seems that each time I say it, I prove myself wrong."

It felt so good to be a lazy butt today! I washed 3 loads of clothes, cleaned the bathroom and laundry room, took out the garbage, packaged up my newspapers for burning, and took down my Christmas tree. Yes, just taking it down mid-feb. Its been a long cold winter and I haven't been up for much cleaning or adjusting stuff. I just left it there since Thanksgiving. It wasn't bothering me any!!! It was pretty nice today but still quite cold up in the boonies where I live. One thing I can say, IF (and that's a huge IF) anyone comes out here to visit me, they will get a taste of what the real heart of Japan has to offer. Not Tokyo or any of the big cities, but traditional rural Japanese life. No trains, no convience stores, just a gas station, a tennis court, an onsen, and a Town Hall. That's about it for us! We are situated between two mountains and this time of year only get a good 5 hours of direct sunlight. I have to make sure my clothes get out there as soon as the sun hits them and don't worry about them drying after 3 cause the sun is gone and it becomes cold again. The joys of Mt. living huh?

After doing more than my fare share of Saturday work I decided I'd just watch some TV and eat junk food tonight. So, I went into Kofu rented "American Beauty" and "What lies beneath". I stopped off at a store to get more snacks than I really wanted or needed and huge bottle of orange Fanta. Made one more stop at McDonald's (can't eat all junk food right? I'm kidding of course. ) and came on in to start my Tsutaya Night. Tsutaya is the name of my movie rental place. Doesn't have quite the same ring as, "Make it a Blockbuster night!" but we do aiight with what we got. As I lift my bottle of Fanta (2L,and no I'm not getting a cup, I live alone, have no visitors, and plan on finishing it tonight) and pop open my can of Sour Cream Pringles...Here's to being a single beautiful Black woman and lovin' every moment of it!
KAMPAIIIIII

Last night was so much fun!!! I started out kinda bumbed because I wanted to go to Tokyo for the Peace Rally on Saturday but found out after I left school that I don't get paid until Monday. Finances are usually slim a day or two before my expected pay day so I realized I couldn't afford to go. I had still been invited to this Chocolate themed Valentine's Day that I so inappropriately named "Valentine's Day Gone Wrong Party". And it was only when I got there that I realized how wrong I was.

Sue had invited a bunch of people up to her place, actually not a bunch just 8 of us (and Wendy's dog Uribo) and I was the first to arrive. I walked up to the apartment and was greeted by the smell of citrus candles. This is also Sue's way of signaling her neighbors that she is having company. I walk in and she had little colorful gel candles lining the walk way to the living room. There were candles everywhere you look and everything smelled great! Shortly after I arrived the rest of the crew came in with bags and bags of chocolate flavored everything you can imagine and beer! I had two different types of mexican mole, which is a dish that is made with chocolate or chocolate powder. Rice and homemade tortillas were made to complement the mole. We had chocolate pizza, home made chocolate hearts, chocolate bubbles (yes, complete with bubble wand), and even chocolate cake that was made in the rice cooker! Someone also brought egg salad and avocado salad sandwiches that were cut out in the shap of hearts!! The food was really great and the company was even better. We talking about so many things, had a lot of great laughs, and even had a moment of mediation for peace and solidarity. We listened to old Whitney Houston songs, drank beer, played this card game called "spoons" which is one of my new favorites and really just enjoyed each other's company. What better way to spend Valentine's Day? Just before everyone crashed and we were playing our last round of our version of "Name that tune" I got my special Valentine's call from home that of course made my night that much more complete. Its amazing to me how a 5 minute conversation can put a great close on what had already been an amazing evening. Then the night came to a complete wind down and everyone decided we'd all drank too much to go home so we had a big slumber party.

Quote of the evening: "What does love smell like?"

Reply: "The wet spot"

I'm feeling empelled to write but I don't really have my ideas together about what it is I actually want to write. I just read one of Nikki Giovanni's poems "How do you write a poem?". I think it speaks volumes...I'll enter it after my post is done.

Its Vday for us here and my friend is having a Vday get together tonight. The only requirements is that you bring a non-traditional chocolate object. She said it could be creative or not, just whatever you are feeling at the time. She told me she thinks I have some missed placed aggression because i want to bring a bashed up chocolate heart. I just feel like tearing something up. I'm not even having a bad day! She suggested Yoga...i think I'll try it. She said she stays angry all the time so she doesn't do it much as she used to, but maybe it will help me regulate my emotions. I swear it feels like PMS never goes off. My emotions are really rollercoaster like and its scary! Yoga is the next attempt at regulation. We'll see how that works.

my v-day tribute courtesy of Ms. Giovanni: How Do You Write A Poem?
how do you write a poem
about someone so close
to you that when you say ahhhhh
they say chuuuu
what can they ask you to put
on paper that isn't already written
on your face
and does the paper make it
any more real
that without them
life would be not
impossible but certainly
more difficult
and why would someone need
a poem to say when i come
home if you're not there
i search the air
for your scent
would i search any less
if i told the world
i don't care at all
and love is so complete
that touch or not we blend
to each other the things
that matter aren't all about
baaaaaanging (i can be baaaanged all
day long) but finding a spot
where i can be free
of all the physical
and emotional bullshit
and simply sit with a cup
of coffee and say to you
"i'm tired" don't you know
those are my love words
and say to you "how was your
day" doesn't that show
i care or say to you "we lost
a friend" and not want to share
that loss with strangers
don't you already know
what i feel and if
you don't maybe
i should check my feelings

You know one thing that pisses me off more than anything...okay not more than anything because we know a lot of stuff pisses me off...well one thing that has pissed me off is a letter I just recieved. I wrote this person...HANDWROTE--not typed a letter in early January. A four page letter like Aaliyah, Diary-san! And what did a get back? Some incoherant 1/2 page response which wasted the entired 37cent they paid for the stamp (didn't even bother to send it airmail). Now, you make think I'm petty when I tell you that the letter was recieved from a 13 year old family member but you know what, I don't give a &$@#. At 13 you are old enough to think clearly and write accordly. You are able to answer questions asked of you and write questions of your own other than that typical "how's japan?" "how's school?" mess I get from everyone including perfect strangers I meet.

It upsets me when I take time to let someone know how I feel, give good feedback and say lots of positive things and I get something shitty like this back. I really want to write now and say some ugly stuff, but she's a kid. And not all kids realize the importance of proper and thoughtful correspondance. I'm not giving up on her though. I'm going to continue to write her and expect better letters in return. I'm hoping that she'll save them and I CERTAINLY intend to save the ones she sends me.

WHEW! It feels so good sometimes just to get stuff off your chest ya know?

Peppermint Ball
I has such a good time last night! A fellow JET participant friend of mine told me about the Tokyo Alumi Chapter and that they were having a formal event this weekend. A friend of mine had told me that the chapter was inactive so I never really bothered to get in touch with them. Well when the friend told me about it I decided to find out a little more for myself. I emailed the chapter president and she told me a few things and they were excited about meeting me and were so happy that I was here. When I got there I was so happy! It was so good to be around the sorors and feel at home again. Most of the sorors in the chapter are much older than me and are all in some way affiliated with the military someway. Most are teachers, some are actually in the military and the remainder are military wives.

There was a banquet and some door prizes were giving away (which were all really nice ceramic dishes/vases for the home. I was for once hoping that I didn't win because I sure wouldn't want to lug that thing all around the train stations going home. They called all sorors to the floor and we sang "The Sweetheart Song" and as always it made me have goosebumps. The sorors could really sing too. The song sounded really good. I met two of the youngest sorors named Shai and Risha. They are both at the Air Force base and told me to come back down soon and spend the weekend. I told them I wanted to get my hair braided before I go to New Zealand so they said they'd find someone who could do that for me. The crowd was old and the music that was played all night was too, but that didn't stop me from having a wonderful time at all. I've got an adopted Mom now, this soror named Ms. Jackie. She took care of us for real and is going to send me a care package later on with some US goodies and Girl Scout Cookies. I wanted some thin mints but the girls we saw were all out!! The can never go wrong with Thin Mints. And as much chocolate as I've been eating lately I'd sit down and be done with the box in a night. I'm excited about getting the cookies though.

Erica went with me and the interested girl. It was strange because some of the sorors were acting like Erica was interested too and not being quite as friendly to her as they were with me. She of course was like "F- em" (inside joke). Its funny, I was trying to explain to her why they were being that way but its hard to explain. I mean I totally understood it with the chapter being on the edge of membership intake and having women swarming around you who want to make new friends just for the sake of initiation possibilites, but that doesn't make it easy to explain to someone who hasn o interest in doing anything with Tokyo Alumni other than chillin' and supporting the worthwhile community activities they take part in.

Today's weather was by far the most beautiful day of 2003 thus far. It was about 62 as a high and the sun was just gorgeous! I sat and missed two trains at the station in Machida on my way home from Camp Zama (where the ball was) just so I could sit outside reading and enjoying the sunshine on my face. Oh, I feel the bug of spring fever beginning to tickle my nose. My decision to stay in Japan will be final as of tomorrow morning and I hope the completion of this year proves as rewarding as the first part. Some will be happy that I'm staying others will not be so happy. But this is about me. I said that when I first left home. No kids, no boyfriend, no ring and no reason at this moment to return back home. God and I worked this one out. He provided a new sources of family and support in showing me the way to my sorors and I've just been recieving confirmations all week that this is the right thing for me to do. So I will turn in my contract tomorrow with no looking back and set forth in my obligations to the Kamiku BOE for another year.

Wish me luck..and keep up the prayers.

love is...

love is...smiling all day after hearing your loved one's voice

love is...sleeping in the wet spot!

love is...the sick stomach you get when you are worried about them.

love is...considering a life changing decision based on them.

love is...realizing life has no guarantees and encouraging each other to fulfill your dreams.

love is...getting up to get the water in the middle of the night.

love is...saving their messages on the answering machine so you can hear them over and over again.

love is...establishing a folder on your email account so you can save the messages they send and read them over and over again.

love is...crying because their feelings are hurt.

love is...what I got! I said remember that! Love Is...what I got!

the latest
recontracting due date is only 6 days away. i'll have to return my information to Board of Education office and let them know what my decision will be about staying or going home. until yesterday all was clear in my mind and i had decided that i wanted to return, but now i'm not so sure...i'm have some serious contemplations to do in the next few days so I will be on a hiatus from this diary for a while. i'll miss you diary-san, but never fear...I will return.

NZ2003

I paid my deposit for the New Zealand trip today! I sat down w/Dave (the organizer) and he told me all about the trip. The intentions a map of the areas we'll go to and just a basic run down of everything. New Zealand is made up of two islands: the north and the south. We are start at the top of the North in Auckland where 1/3 of the people who live in New Zealand are and then down to the tip of the South where Dave's parents live. We'll be stopping at different places and towns along the way doing all types of wonderful water and other outdoor activites. He even told me there is a glow worm tunnel!!! I didn't know those things were real! I'm excited if you can't tell. I need to curb the excitment because I still have 7 weeks before the trip. Way to early for a countdown. I'll probably start at the 14 day mark. (smile) Anyway, Oyasumi Diary-san.

The Noisy Folks

Just about to leave the house to go to my Japanese lesson when my neighbor and her boyfriend come down bringing a plate sweets. They apologize for making so much noise and said that the guy was drunk and being rather rude and apologized. I said "OK, thanks". My neighbor asked for her plate back, I took off the snacks, gave it to her and they left. I guess the banging did the trick and let them know I wasn't a happy camper. It was nice of them to come apologize though. But that doesn't make it alright...

Yo, if these people don't stop making so much noise upstairs they are going to have problems and situations because I'm about to go up there in my night clothes and start cussing them out. There is no need for all the bumping and shit that is going on upstairs right now. It seems like the two of them are having some type of slam dance party where they are throwing themselves up against the walls and floor. I had enough and then started banging on the wall and doing my own set of screaming which probably went on for a minute or so before I realized that I was acting like a child. Once I stopped banging it got very quiet upstairs and I was able to finally get some rest. Its not that I mind noise, because I produce my own set of noise via my music. I love music and very often play my CDs loud, but one thing I can't stand is being disrespectfully and acting noisy after 10pm. I guess college and "quiet hours" got me into that but its just disrespectful to kick up a lot of noise once people have begun to get ready for and go to bed. Maybe I just have a very ill attitude towards Japanese people this weekend and maybe that has something to do w/my aunt flow but whatever it is...its just something I have to deal with for now.

Welcome to Black History Month

I am dead sleepy but I have got get this in tonight. I went to pick up some English conversation listening CDs from Keysha for my Private students that I'll teach tomorrow. Well I'm sitting near her job at the train station waiting for her to come out when I hear some Japanese woman screaming into megaphones that are attached to the top of a small station wagon. It is the height of election season here and the way people campain is by driving around in cars and screaming something out at the people who are in earshot. Well the car eventually stop circling around the station and parked where else but right next to me. So I'm still sitting listening to my CD and playing with the email function on my cell phone. So all the passengers get out of this car including the candidate that all the hullabaloo is about. They walk around for about 5 minutes and pass out flyers and he gets on the megaphone and makes his speech. I am watching closely as this is HILARIOUS to me. I've never seen campaigning quite like it but it is of course "The Japanese Way" so like everything else I laugh and observe.

Well when he is done, he comes back to the car to get in and has to walk past my window. When he does, he pauses at my window and asks me to roll it down. Then he says in perfect English, "Did you understand what I just said?" I shook my head "no" and he laughed and walked on. Then I asked him if I could take his picture. He says sure and stands up against the campaign car which has a huge plaquard on top w/his name or something up there. He gives me the cheesy "thumbs up" sign and I take the picture. Then he gestures for me to take a picture w/him and one of his campaign workers takes the photo of us. I say thanks and go to get back in my car when he stops me and gives me his campaign card and his business card w/his mailing address. Then he said "Please send me photo." I say, sure no problem and they start to leave. As he is backing out he looks back over at me and shouts "WE SHALL OVERCOME, WE SHALL OVERCOME!" I am so startled that I look at him and burst out in uncontrollable laughter. He is doing the Richard Nixon two hand wave and smile and drives off.

This country provides me w/a new experience every day. Today, on the first day of Black History month I get a reminder, from a Japanese politician, of the reason why the month exists in the first place. Its about educating people and teaching about the importance, relevance, and context of Black History. The politician was right, We Shall Overcome...someday. I guess I just wish he knew implications that come with using that English phrase. Apparently he doesn't.